Why I Started Digging Deeper
Okay so here's the thing - last month my partner and me were just going through the motions. You know? Like we'd have sex but it felt kinda... mechanical. Like checking a box. So I thought screw it, let's actually figure out how to make the erotic part of our relationship actually work instead of just hoping it magically happens.
The Awkward First Attempt
First step was brutal - I tried bringing up kinks during commercial breaks while watching TV. Big mistake. Got the whole "really? now?" eyebrow raise from my partner. Then my idiot brain blurted "so um... ever thought about tying each other up?" right as the show came back on. Total mood killer. Got ignored for three episodes straight.
Course Correction Strategy
Switched tactics hard. Made actual intentional time:
- Cooked favorite dinner
- Stashed phones in another room
- Put on that weird jazz album nobody actually likes but feels sophisticated
Then asked point-blank: "What makes you feel actually desired beyond just sex?" Had to sit through ten minutes of uncomfortable silence before real answers came.
The Surprising Experiment
Tried the simplest tip I'd read - talking during sex but like... describing what was happening? Felt super cringey at first. Said stuff like "love how your back arches when I touch here" and "that sound you make drives me crazy." Fumbled over words, laughed till we cried once. But holy shit - the eye contact after? Complete game changer. Felt connected in a way we hadn't in years.
Unexpected Consequences
Started noticing erotic tension building at random times now. Like doing dishes? Yeah. Tuesday afternoon grocery runs? Suddenly sexy. Found myself grabbing partners waist while squeezing avocados and whispering "this one's perfectly ripe... like you." Got smacked with broccoli but totally worth it.
Where We're At Now
Biggest lesson? Eroticism ain't about positions or toys or porn moves. It's about rebuilding anticipation in boring-ass daily life. We still have weeks where work stress kills the vibe. But now we text shit like "thinking about what you said last night..." during meetings. Just planted those tiny seeds that grow into actual desire later. Still awkward as hell sometimes though!
