Starting This Crazy Project
Alright, so I got totally hooked on knights and shiny armor after binge-watching a bunch of history docs last month. Figured, "Hey, how hard could it be to make a simple piece?" Turns out, way harder than it looks on YouTube. Grabbed my oldest propane torch and some scrap steel sheets, thinking I'd bang out a gauntlet in a weekend. Oh boy.
My First Huge Mess-Up
First step was just cutting the shape, right? Grabbed tin snips meant for gutter work. Big mistake. They kept jamming and the metal edges were sharp enough to slice bread. Got my workshop gloves shredded in 5 minutes flat. Switched to an angle grinder – dust everywhere, sparks flying like mad fireworks. My garage looked like a warzone. Ended up with something vaguely hand-shaped, but the edges were so jagged you could shred cheese on them.
Next came the bending – thought my simple bench vise would work. Slammed the metal piece in, pulled the handle like Hercules... CRACK. Snapped my workpiece right in half like a dry twig. Almost threw my vise across the yard in frustration. Lesson? Medieval blacksmiths probably didn't use cheap metal from the scrap bin.
Learning (The Hard Way) To Shape Metal
Got smarter on round two. Borrowed my neighbor’s old tree stump – weirdly useful for banging things. Slapped that mangled piece onto it with clamps. Started hammering with my ball-peen hammer, aiming for that smooth curve effect you see on proper armor. Just ended up with a lumpy mess covered in hammer dents. Like beating on concrete.
My buddy Dave popped over, saw me struggling, and said "Why aren’t you heating it first?" Felt like an idiot. Cranked up the propane torch to max. Metal started glowing cherry red – this got exciting! Tried hammering again... and it worked! Kinda. Still looked like a toddler sculpted it, but now it actually bent smoothly instead of cracking. Got it cooled down fast with a bucket of water, steaming like mad.
Rivets Are Pure Evil
Thought the hard part was over. Needed to attach straps for this useless piece of armor. Grabbed some rivets from the hardware store. This became a special kind of nightmare:
- Drilling holes went fine. Made neat little openings.
- Put a rivet through, hammered the other end to flare it out like they show online tutorials.
- Got distracted for one second. Rivet bent sideways. Whole thing looked like a squashed beetle.
- Tried again holding the rivet perfectly straight. Missed the rivet head completely. Smashed my thumb instead. Cursing echoed through three counties.
After wrecking seven rivets and bruising my hand, finally got one seated somewhat right. Looked wobbly and uneven, but it held. Victory?
The Sad Reality Check
Put all my effort together: the dented, slightly-crooked piece of metal with a crookedly attached strap. Tried it on. Looked less like a knight's gear and more like something a zombie extra would wear on set. Zero shine, weird angles, definitely wouldn't stop a nerf dart. Got my wife to take a picture. She laughed for 5 minutes straight.
Started wondering how actual armorers got anything done without power tools. Shaping metal without heating it right? Forget it. Polishing this hunk with sand? That alone would take weeks. No wonder knights were rich – this stuff cost a fortune in labor alone.
So yeah. Learned to respect those medieval crafters like crazy. Might stick to making little chainmail rings next time... maybe.
