First, Why I Even Bothered With This Mercia Map Thing
Okay so last Tuesday my coffee machine broke. Total disaster. Instead of moping around, I dug up this old fantasy novel called "Kings of Mercia" collecting dust under my bed. Started reading while waiting for the repair guy. Got weirdly obsessed with the map sketches in the book margins - all these little castles and winding rivers. Thought: "Heh, what if I make a proper map for this?" No reason really, just felt like doing something random.
How I Started This Mess
Grabbed my kid’s crayons first - don’t judge me, only things I had. Sketching on printer paper:
- First try: Drew a crooked coastline that looked like a smashed potato. Wiped crumbs off the table and tried again.
- Second go: Traced my dinner plate for a "round forest". Yeah, lazy. Blamed the coffee withdrawal.
- Third attempt: Googled some free map-making tool on my phone. Spent 20 minutes trying to spell "Mercia" right. Auto-correct kept changing it to "Mercia Car Dealership". Almost threw the phone.
The Actual Work Part (Mostly Headaches)
Switched to my laptop when the repair guy finally showed up. Installed some free design app:
Clicked the "draw mountain" tool. Made three brown blobs that my kid called "poop hills". Added blue squiggles for rivers - ended up looking like spaghetti. Labeled everything in Comic Sans like a total amateur. Couldn’t decide where to put the "Dragon Cave" so I just slapped it near a lake.
Biggest struggle? Making roads look like actual roads. Ended up with yellow lines so crooked even a drunk driver wouldn’t use ‘em. Changed line thickness 15 times. Screamed internally.
Final Output & Epic Fail
Exported the file as "Mercia_Final_Final_*". Zoomed out to admire my masterpiece. Looked like a toddler’s finger-painting session gone wrong. Castle icons overlapped the forests. River names floated in nowhere-land.
Posted it anyway on my blog with zero shame. Got one comment: "Is this abstract art?" Honestly? Fair. Took the criticism and ate ice cream straight from the tub.
What I Learned (Besides How Bad I Am At Geography)
- Crayons melt under frustration-induced laptop heat. Ruined my favorite tablecloth.
- Free map software has more hidden paywalls than a Vegas casino. "Premium river styles" my butt.
- Comic Sans should be illegal for fantasy maps. Makes even dragons look goofy.
Still glad I did it though. Next time maybe I’ll just doodle on napkins instead.
