How I Started Digging Into This Crazy Topic
Was scrolling through YouTube last Tuesday drinking cheap beer when some documentary clip popped up saying Genghis Khan fathered like thousands of kids. My first thought was "bullshit" – how's that even possible? Grabbed my laptop right there on the couch.
The Deep Dive Process
Started googling like mad. Found old history papers, genetic studies, even translated Mongolian stuff. Three things jumped out:
- Conquest = Options Every time his army took over a village, he'd claim local women. Simple as that. War wasn't just about land – it was his Tinder.
- Power Trumps Everything Read multiple accounts where nobles handed over daughters just to stay alive. If you controlled the food and swords, resistance wasn't smart.
- Brutal Loyalty System Noticed his inner circle got first pick after him. Shared spoils kept generals fighting harder. Screenshotted this strategy for my fantasy football league chat.
Testing Theories IRL (Sort Of)
Went down weird rabbit holes trying to relate. Remembered that time my office manager got promoted – suddenly everyone laughed at his terrible jokes. Tried mimicking power poses before asking for extra guac at Chipotle. Cashier just rolled her eyes. Realized modern society kinda breaks the whole "take what you want" model unless you're a billionaire or rapper.
Also checked my 23andMe results again after reading about how 0.5% of men today carry Genghis DNA markers. Mine showed 98% Eastern European potato farmer. Figures.
What Actually Made Sense
Final piece clicked reading about steppe politics. Before Genghis, tribes fought constantly over dumb shit like grazing rights. He united them by promising endless rewards through conquest. Basically pyramid scheme with horses and murder. Power wasn't just sex – sex was the glittery proof of power.
My ex-boss tried similar tactics with pizza parties instead of plunder. Didn't work as well.
Why This Stuck With Me
Got super invested because... okay fine, my Tinder stats are embarrassing. But honestly? Main takeaway wasn't the bedroom stuff. It was how fragile power structures were back then. One bad winter, one pissed-off general, and whole empires collapsed. Makes our modern job insecurity look cute.
Also learned never to joke about Mongol history at parties. Last attempt got me labeled "that guy who won't shut up about rape and horses." Lesson learned.
