So I've seen folks get super confused about the Book of Revelation, especially those seven trumpets. Decided to tackle it myself this week.
First thing, I grabbed my old Bible gathering dust on the shelf - hadn't opened it since Easter. Flipped straight to Revelation chapter 8. Started reading aloud to myself like I was practicing some dramatic speech. That part about the angels? Man, the language is flowery. Felt like reading Shakespeare while jet-lagged.
Getting the Basics Down
Took me three attempts before anything clicked. On day one, I kept zoning out reading verses about hail mixed with blood. Super weird. Next day I tried chewing gum while reading - helped me focus. By day three, I finally understood the basics:
- Trumpet 1 - Earth gets scorched like a bad sunburn
- Trumpet 2 - Some Titanic-level disaster happens at sea
- Trumpet 3 - Rivers go bitter like old coffee
Started scribbling notes on napkins when I got those "aha!" moments. Used different colored highlighters like I was back in middle school - yellow for disasters, pink for angels, green for earth stuff. Made a huge mess but helped me visualize the chaos.
The Weird Ones Tripped Me Up
Got stuck at Trumpet 5 where demonic locusts appear. Spent hours drawing what I thought they looked like. My sketch looked like nightmare grasshoppers mixed with Darth Vader helmets. Googled ancient manuscripts later - turns out I was kinda close.
The two witnesses in Trumpet 7 had me scratching my head too. Couldn't decide if they were literal people or symbols. Made a pros/cons list while eating cereal:
- Literal: More exciting storyline
- Symbolic: Probably makes more sense
Eventually put both explanations in my notes with big question marks.
Putting It All Together
The last step was organizing my chicken-scratch notes into something readable. Stacked all my highlighters and napkins on the kitchen table, snapped pictures with my phone, and typed everything into my laptop while rewatching disaster movies for mood inspiration.
Ended up simplifying things like:
- No deep philosophical rabbit holes
- Cut out 90% of the crazy symbols
- Compared each trumpet to natural disasters people understand
My dog gave me the side-eye when I practiced explaining Trumpet 6 aloud to him. If a golden retriever could look confused, that was it.
Final version ended up way shorter than expected - only needed two pages to explain what took prophets centuries to write. Proofread it while drinking cheap wine, which probably helped make it feel less terrifying. Still wondering if I should add memes next time though.
