Alright, so this whole 'alchemy and spirituality' thing. Sounds fancy, right? For me, it wasn’t about turning lead into actual gold, 'cause, let's be real, if I could do that, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this. It started more like, I was feeling like a lead weight myself, if you get what I mean. Just… stuck.
I remember I was just fed up. Everything felt like a chore, my thoughts were a mess. I didn’t pick up some ancient dusty book or anything. Nah, it was more like I started paying attention to the small stuff, the everyday grind. I’d heard somewhere, can't even remember where now, that old-school alchemists weren't just fiddling with potions; they were trying to change themselves from the inside out. That idea kinda stuck with me, even though it sounded a bit out there at first.
Getting My Hands Dirty - The So-Called 'Alchemy'
So, my 'alchemy' began super simply. I decided I’d try to, like, 'transform' one tiny crappy habit I had. My first 'experiment'? Complaining. Man, I was a professional complainer back then. It was my go-to. So, the plan was, every time I caught myself about to moan about something, I’d try to flip it. Not into some super positive, sunshine-and-rainbows thing, 'cause that’s just not me, but just to find one tiny, neutral, or even slightly okay thing about the situation. Or, and this was a big one, just learn to shut up more often. That was a serious option I started taking.
Let me tell you, this 'transmutation' wasn't a magic poof. Not even close. It was hard. Like, really, really hard. Some days, I'd catch myself mid-complaint and just go, "Oh, for crying out loud, again?!" It felt like I was trying to polish a turd, honestly. There were plenty of days I just gave up and let the grumbles fly. My 'lab' was basically my own head, and believe me, it was a messy workshop in there.
- I started journaling a bit. But not like 'dear diary, today I felt sad.' More like, 'Okay, here’s the garbage thought that's bugging me, what’s actually underneath it?' Trying to 'distill' it, you know? Get to the bottom of why I was reacting a certain way.
- Sometimes I’d just sit and try to breathe. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but when you’re trying to change a mental habit that’s on autopilot, just stopping that train of thought for a second is like a mini-victory. That was my 'prima materia' – just my messy thoughts and reactions.
- I also tried to focus on making things, just small stuff around the house. Like finally fixing a wobbly chair I'd been ignoring, or tackling that junk drawer that looked like a bomb hit it. Turning a bit of chaos into some kind of order. That felt… alchemical, in a weird, everyday way. Taking something messy and making it a little bit better.
The 'Spiritual' Bit - What Actually Changed
And the 'spirituality' part of it all? It wasn't like I suddenly saw angels or had some grand enlightenment experience. Nothing like that. It was much more a quiet shift, something subtle. By wrestling with my own complaining habit, this one tiny thing, I started to see how much power I was giving away to little annoyances all day long. It wasn't about becoming some kind of perfect, Zen master; it was about reclaiming a bit of my own headspace, my own peace.
The 'gold' I was supposedly looking for wasn't a perfect, new-and-improved me. Hell no. The real 'gold' was the realization that I could actually change a pattern, even a small, stubborn one. It was understanding that this internal 'work,' this constant stirring and mixing and sometimes heating up of my own B.S., actually led to something a little less… leaden. A little less heavy. It made me a bit more aware, and definitely a bit more patient with myself, mostly because I saw firsthand how bloody difficult the 'process' was.
It’s not like I'm 'done' or anything. This 'alchemy' is an ongoing thing, a daily grind sometimes. Some days, I’m right back to feeling like a lead weight. But now, I kind of know a few 'processes' to try, a few tools I can pull out. It’s not a grand mystical journey for me, more like spiritual DIY, just tinkering with my own inner workings. And honestly, it’s still a bit of a mess in here, but it’s my mess, and I’m slowly, very slowly, figuring out how to sort through it. That’s my version of alchemy and spirituality, for what it’s worth. No magic wands, just a lot of trial and error, and a willingness to get my hands dirty with my own internal stuff.
