Had this dumb question pop into my head yesterday – which ancient warrior helmet actually protects better, a Spartan one or a Trojan one? Grabbed both replicas off my shelf (yeah, I collect random historical stuff, fight me).
The Dumb Idea & First Fails
First thought? Just bash 'em together. Literally slammed the bronze Spartan Corinthian style helmet against the Trojan one with the big cheek guards. Big mistake. My hands hurt like hell, and the helmets just went "CLANG!" like church bells. Zero dents. Looked like two drunk guys headbutting each other. Useless.
Next morning I got serious. Needed controlled smacks. Rigged this janky setup in my garage:
- Hung both helmets from the ceiling fan hooks using old shoelaces.
- Taped my phone to a ladder for slow-mo video (nearly broke the damn thing twice).
- Used a rusted claw hammer as the hitter – figured it kinda resembles a rock or small mace, right?
Making Hits Happen
First swing at the Spartan helmet. Aimed for the nose guard. The hammer bounced off with a dull thud. Slow-mo showed the metal flexing inward then popping back – cool, but no crack. Hit it again near the ear slit. This time, a tiny dent appeared! Felt weirdly excited seeing ancient design fail.
Swung at the Trojan helmet next. Target: the dome top. Bigger surface. Hammer landed with a deeper THUNK. Bronze held, no dent! But when I nailed the spot just above the eye slit? Whole section crumpled like a soda can. Suddenly understood why Priam cried.
Okay, Fine... Called the Science Nerds
Felt out of my depth after the crumple fiasco. Buddy hooked me up with his nephew doing materials science at community college. Their lab had this crushing machine thingy. Weighs stuff by squishing it. Nerdy heaven.
We tested flat bronze pieces first – no surprise, same thickness handled pressure about equal. But the real test? Simulating impacts on the curved helmet shapes. The machine pressed down slowly where my hammer hit.
- Spartan Helmet: Nose guard took pressure well. Bent gradually. Thicker metal around the temples soaked up force.
- Trojan Helmet: Wide dome spread impact... until the tester pressed near weak points. Eyebrow ridge collapsed faster than my motivation on a Monday.
Who Takes the Crown?
My garage beatdown plus the nerdy crushing proved it. The Spartan helmet survived blunt hits better. Compact design, reinforced curves where it counts. That Corinthian style? Ain't just for scaring Persians.
The Trojan helmet? Looks iconic, covers more neck. But those complex curves? Weak spots everywhere. One good shot in the wrong place, and your war ends early. Bronze sheets alone don't cut it.
Both look damn cool on the shelf. But if time-traveling Greeks made me pick one for a scrap? Spartan style gets my vote. Probably shouldn't test this stuff at home though – still finding bronze flakes in my garage.
Need to buy my lab buddy lunch now.
