Honestly I never planned to test WWII planes until last Tuesday. Was cleaning my garage when this dusty box of grandpa's old flight manuals fell on my head. Got mad first, then curious. Thought - what if I actually try ranking these birds for real?
The Awful Research Stage
Started simple. Made a spreadsheet with famous fighters - P51 Mustang, Spitfire, Zero, you know the usual suspects. But quickly went sideways. Found like fifty different models no one talks about. Polish plane called the P.11? Soviet I-16? Total mess.
Realized I needed real measurements. Tried three museums first. Two kicked me out for crawling under barriers. Last one let me measure wingspans but some kid cried when I pulled out tape measure near a Messerschmitt. Rough day.
The Janky Setup
Bought four cheap radio control models instead. Scale replicas but lighter than paper planes. My backyard became test zone:
- Tied fishing line between garage and oak tree
- Hooked planes to this crappy zip-line
- Used phone camera at 240fps mode
- Attached bag of birdseed for weight
Neighbor called cops third day. Officer thought I was making drone bombs. Showed him grandpa's pilot license photo - he just sighed and told me to remove the zip-line by noon.
Shock Results Came Anyway
Finished tests behind closed blinds later. Here’s what broke my brain:
- Mustang nose-dived immediately - way too front-heavy
- Zero model flipped sideways - wings unstable in crosswind
- The junker Soviet I-16? Flew straight as an arrow
Did twenty more runs. Fired up grill smoke to simulate combat air. That flimsy Russian tin can kept outperforming the "legendary" planes. Even threw some fake bullets (rocks - small ones) and it dodged better too.
The Unexpected Twist
Told these results to my uncle at Sunday BBQ. He just coughed beer and said grandpa flew I-16s in ‘41 after being shot down. Grandpa never told anyone because pilots laughed at those "flying beer cans."
Turns out he survived six missions in that underdog thing. So much for specs and glossy tech sheets. Sometimes the ugly duckling keeps you alive. Probably keeping the zip-line down though - cops gave me stink eye at hardware store yesterday.
